“Build a bridge and get over it”, she said to us. Years ago, I attended a session in which the speaker talked about what is standing in our way of a happy life and successful business. She was hilarious and she made us laugh about a topic that is …well, touchy.
She compared us going through life carrying around old burdens to carrying a bag of rotten potatoes. We sling that bag over our shoulders and carry it around with us every single day wherever we go. Over time, the potatoes are so rotten that bad-smelling stuff oozes out of them and drips over our backs. Yuck! What a visual! But she’s right. Things we have not gotten over are like rotten potatoes.
How can we get rid of these “rotten potatoes”? Forgiveness is essential for letting go of them.
Why Is Forgiveness So Hard?
Why is that so hard for many of us?
- We suppress the memory of what happened so we don’t even remember that there is something to forgive, or
- We feel the incident was so horrible there is no way we can forgive it.
The lack of forgiveness is hurting only ourselves.
“Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”~ Nelson Mandela
The other person will not die. You will. Maybe you will not die physically (more on that in a second) but it will rob you of happiness and success you could have had.
“Yeah, I get it but I can’t do it!”
That’s all nice and fine to understand from a logical perspective. But what about your heart? How, in practical terms, can you go about forgiving somebody else or even yourself?
Years ago, I came across a method by Brandon Bays. Brendan Bays’ story is remarkable. She had developed a huge tumor. Her doctors told her she had to be operated on or else she would die shortly. It turned out that the tumor was a physical manifestation of something she had to forgive. She had worked on getting past a traumatic matter for years. She thought she was over it. Then the tumor showed up.
In dealing with the tumor, she stumbled upon a process for deep forgiveness that worked for her. To everyone’s astonishment, the tumor disappeared without surgery! Since then Brandon has taught this method to thousands of people. And it works!
The Book And One Other Person Are All You Need To Do This
You can read about it in her book “The journey – a practical guide to healing your life and setting yourself free.” She also has a book describing the method adapted for use in kids “The Journey for Kids.”
The good news is that the book and one person are all you need to do this. There’s a script that anyone can use to do this process with anyone else! It takes only two or three hours. The process for kids is faster. There are also workshops – but again, anyone can do this with the help of this script.
I had someone do this process with me years ago. I was able to forgive some things that had been hanging onto me for a long time. It was amazing! The bad feelings were gone!
Since then I’ve taken several people through this process (not for money, just to help them). They told me it has helped them a lot. They felt much lighter afterward. And that feeling lasts. The matters you forgive are not coming back!
Forgiving is NOT Condoning What Happened
Here’s a key insight: Forgiving something is not the same as condoning what happened. If someone bullied you, raped you or did some other horrible thing, it is easy to understand that forgiving such a thing is very hard. But forgiving is NOT saying that any of this was okay. It is saying you move beyond it to open your life back up to happiness and possibilities. This insight is central to the process I’m talking about.
This process is so impactful that I wanted to be sure to let you know about it. I invite you to try it!
I’m Curious
What comes up as something that you need to forgive? It could be forgiving someone or it could be forgiving yourself? Remember forgiving does not mean that you condone whatever happened.
Dr. Stephie
P.S.: I appreciate you commenting and sharing this with others. Thank you!
